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I’ve had this post a-brewing for a long time. It’s not so much about quilting, so feel free to click “mark as read” and move on. It’s okay.
When I started this blog in May 2012, I was a stay-at-home mom with a 1-year-old, and I was lonely and bored. We moved to our town in Massachusetts about five weeks before Lucy was due to be born, and, in full survival mode, dug into what we needed to do to survive late pregnancy and newbornhood. I didn’t do a good job putting down roots; I didn’t do a good job reaching out to make friends. I felt crippled by my tiny 10th percentile bottle-refusing baby who needed to nurse every 45 minutes.
By the time Lucy was 14 months old, I turned to my husband and said, “I feel like I’ve recovered from a long, terrible illness, and I’m finally well again.” I had picked quilting back up after nearly abandoning it during Lucy’s babyhood. I was sleeping again. Lucy was weaned. And I had this little blog and OBVIOUSLY I was going to be immediately and hugely famous.
HA. It took a year before anyone even started seeing my work. But this past summer, when I joined Beth’s Let’s Get Acquainted New Blogger Blog Hop, I was so overwhelmed by how friendly and wonderful all of my fellow bloggers are! I’m so glad to be having the kinds of conversations I always wanted to have about quilts and fabric hoarding and sewing and kids and being a stay-at-home-mom who tries to sew. Exchanging comments and emails with you-all has been a lifeline.
I’d be lying, however, if I didn’t admit that the same blog hop that brought me so many close and vibrant online friendships didn’t also bring some negative feelings. Feelings like stress and pressure. Feelings like jealousy, which is always really rooted in selfish feelings of inadequacy. “She has so many more followers than me, surely she doesn’t want to talk to little ol’ me.” “He’s so sparkly, he doesn’t have time to yak about which Art Gallery fabrics to buy.” “She’s already designing her own patterns! I’ll never be able to do that.” “How is she managing four or five posts a week? I still don’t know where my camera is from two weeks ago.”
Of course, all that negative stuff is in my own head. In my heart of hearts, I believe that any person possessed by the urge to cut fabric into tiny pieces and put it back together into a thing of warmth, beauty, and love, has a golden soul and is a truly kindred spirit. And it’s turned out to be so true! Every sewing blogger I’ve exchanged words with, big or small, is a lovely, warm person.
In the past two months, my feelings of jealousy and inadequacy have resolved into something more satisfied and peaceful. I used to think I wanted to be a capital B Blogger (like I used to think I wanted to be capital P Professor or a capital E Editor. Or a capital W Writer.) But I’ve learned (through experience) that something essential changes the moment that you do something for any reason other than love. The first novel you read to cite in a paper you’re trying to write so that you can be a fierce competitor on a brutal job market changes you as a reader. The first quilt you make to sell isn’t the same as the quilt you made for love. I’ve not done it, but I imagine the first blog post you write that isn’t for the love of your own little blog isn’t a bad thing–it’s just a different thing.
It’s not like potential sponsors are knocking down my door. It’s not like I get a lot of pageviews. It’s not like I’m getting emails from sewing websites begging me to submit tutorials. But truly? I don’t think I want them to. I need this–blogging and quilting–to be the thing I do out of love. I don’t personally feel the need to spend time growing my readership or trying to get pageviews or plotting a string of tutorials.
(Sidenote: some of the quilters I most admire–some of the PEOPLE I most admire–do tutorials and sell quilts and patterns and blog for reasons other than hippy dippy “love”. I’ll fiercely defend anything a person can do from their own home to support their hobby or allow them to spend less time in an office and more time with those they love. Fiercely. In saying this is not for me, I’m not passing any value judgment.)
So, materially, what this might mean is that I might be here a little less often. That’s OK. Some weeks I might have a ton to say. Some months, nothing. It’s all cool. This is a hobby, right, for love? So if I’m not loving it, I don’t have to do it. It’s also going to mean that I’m going to put even less pressure on myself to link-up-socialize-spend-three-hours-every-Friday-night-commenting-on-as-many-posts-as-possible.
I’m hoping these realizations help me reach a more genuine place as a blogger and as a quilter. It’s okay to be little! And it’s even more okay to figure out that little is always what you wanted to be in the first place.
little and lots 
What an inspiring post!
Oh how I feel the same. That is all. My blog is my space! My little sewing journal one might say. I love those who have joined me on this journey and I love comments but they do not make or break me. Great post. Thanks for always being your sweet self!
What a lovely post – I think it’s good to stay true to yourself and so difficult not to compare yourself to everyone (which I’m also guilty of doing constantly). But it’s like anything I guess, if you enjoy it then as a result everyone else will enjoy it too! I love that picture of the fall tree – the colours are amazing! Have a fantastic w/e, S x
Bravo! Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed reading it and second many of your thoughts.
I’m so glad you wrote this. I haven’t posted anything on blog lately because I felt like all my pics are terrible, my quilts are imperfect, and my words are meaningless–and even though I’ve taken a break from blogging by my own choice, it’s given me an overwhelming sense of guilt and failure. I think you’re right…I need to do it for the love of doing it…not for any other reason. Thanks so much for sharing. These are good words to live by.
Well said, Laura. I just wrote a quilter’s manifesto (we’re of a like mind today) and one of the statements on it was “if I don’t want to, I don’t have to.” I love your “little” blog and have enjoyed our interactions.
I so agree with what you’ve written here. I sometimes get grand plans in my head about the amazing opportunities that my blog would bring to me, and of course they didn’t come. But the openness and friendliness of other bloggers is worth so much more than that. Being a part of the community is a wonderful thing. And like you, after thinking about it, I don’t really want my blog to turn into a business anyway. It is more like my journal, my record of the things I have made and the thoughts that were going through my head as I made them. I am glad, of course, if other people want to follow along in that journey, but I’m also relieved that I am not obliged to continue it if I choose not to anymore.
Oh Laura, can I just say……” I Love” reading your blog and I look forward to it whenever you have the time to write. It comes from true feeling….and that is what is important. I don’t have a blog and probably may never……but one does what one does for themselves and what they need. I need to read and be inspired and through that some friends have been made and I truly feel lucky for that. Now, on another note…..I hope you find your camera for tomorrow !!
Sometimes getting through my blogroll feels like a bit of a chore. I follow a lot of people just to stay informed and connected about “what’s going on” out there in the quilt world.
Then there are a select few blogs that I really get excited when I see a post (probably less than 10 if I’m really honest). I settle in with my cup of coffee (reheated for the 6th time that day) and read every single word. You are definitely on that list.
I absolutely feel these feelings too. I don’t know what it is inside of us that we can’t just let a passion-hobby be for love and not $ or “fame”.
Thanks for your honesty. It really has me thinking.
I’m glad to hear you have found your “happy place”, Laura. Everyone’s is different; we are all different, which is a good thing.
Perfectly said. Do it because you love it and for no other reason! I have terrible photos and typos all the time, but I figure people don’t have to read if they don’t want to, and my friends will because they do 🙂
Well done, Laura! If you’re not enjoying your blog, if it’s becoming a chore, then it’s not worth doing. You’re right, it’s supposed to be fun. I was worrying too about not getting many comments, but then I realised, my most devoted readers, one of whom is my best friend, are who I write for, so it doesn’t matter. I shall look forward to any and all of your future posts, as I have always done since finding you!!
Beautifully said and from the heart…………….I so enjoyed reading this ! Keep the passion!
Thank you for being so honest. I love this post.
You are a writer with a capital W in this post. Well said – I often feel the same, when I see that I have only had 2 or 3 page views, or no one has left a comment. Then I remember -my blog is for me, about the things that make me happy. It means that my sister who lives in Australia and my mum who lives three hours away from me can see what I do too. It is away of documenting my interests for a while – I might blog forever, I might stop next year – who knows. Meanwhile I will enjoy the comments I do receive from my readers who encourage me to keep on being myself.
Oh yes!! Although I write my blog out to the universe, I really do love reading through my old posts and reliving our adventures, and seeing old projects again. It’s my feel-better online diary. Although I would love to be famous, and sought after, I’ll settle for happy and yes, little.
You are seriously one of my favorite reasons for blogging. Thank you for writing this post, thank you for emailing back when I reached out and still didn’t really know how to quilt, thank you for inspiring me. Your post is truth. Like Sarah, I always settle in to read with you. I feel like I am getting to visit with a friend. Which I must do someday… Oh and I’m glad you know where your camera is. All if my photos are taken with my iPhone. How’s that for real? Hahaha.
What a great real post. I too have to remind myself why I do this. I love to quilt. That’s it. I also like to see what I have done and look back. I think it’s good to reflect and remind ourselves of that!
Laura, I always love reading your blog and I love your projects. I think you’ve written this post beautifully, and I agree completely. It’s so easy to forget why we’ve chosen to do what we do.
🙂 Kelly
Hi Beautiful Laura……..love your post. It is ok to do more or less; sometimes there are more important things in life and it is forever changing. Sometimes we spend more time blogging than sewing. It is important to be true to oneself! Wishing you all that is good. Marie x
Hey Little you! You are BIG to me. You are one of the first people that actually responded to me with more than a “that’s cute” and moved on to the next. I love your blog. I do not get enough time to read blogs during the summer months on the farm. And I feel really bad because of that. I also feel bad if I don’t post all the time. But I have just recently figured out that its ok if I don’t. I don’t want to let anyone down that is expecting something of me but everyday life has to come first. I first started my blog thinking I would open an Etsy shop for it and help the hubby out financially. And I thought Growing my blog would help that, BUT I have grown to love this community so much that my original goal got left by the wayside and that is fine with me. The other day I wrote a post just about sitting there watering cows and helping my hubby work on a chicken litter spreader. LOL. It was what I was feeling at the time and prob one of my most enjoyable posts that I have written. No it’s not grammatically correct so no editing.And I had so many sweet comments. And know this – sometimes people just dont have time to comment, but knowing that you are there enjoying yourself, making your quilts,knitting, raising your precious angel makes me happy. Theres’ another like minded soul out there doing what she enjoys! One more thing – Last year a very popular blogger posted that one of her goals was to grow her blog. She did – took on more sponsors, designed and released several patterns, two fabric lines now – then took a hiatus because “It was just too much” She felt “So overwhelmed” and “I have lost sight of whats important to me” I don’t want to be like that. I may open an Etsy shop when I get too many quilts to find a home for! lol… But I plan on trying to just enjoy this community and enjoy expressing myself. I can’t remember who but a favorite quote is : “Comparision is the thief of Joy” I sure don’t want to steal someones joy and I am going to stop comparing my blogs popularity with anyone else’s and just try to be grateful for this online community. Take a little break if you need to, but do know that seeing these little glimpses into your life makes us smile too. xo jan@sewandsowfarm
Kudos to you. I think you’ve said what a lot of us feel. I know I’ve stopped reading some blogs bc they just make me feel hugely inadequate in comparison. I started my blog for me to make some quilty friends (which I consider you to be) and for the occasional “OMG, you made that!” -jk (kinda)…Of course it would be nice to be sent free fabric bc of my awesomeness but I think in the end, I want my kids to say I was a great mom.
Fabulous! This comes right from your heart which makes it completely, utterly valuable. I’m cheering for you that you see what you want and know how to go about getting it. Some of the best calls we ever make are the ones when we say, “this is enough’.
I loved this post and that you were brave enough to say what a lot of us are feeling and thinking about blogging. It seems like a lot of people who blog don’t really enjoy it and they overtly say as much in their posts – which is very confusing to me.
It’s weird, but as some of the best blogs become more and more “successful” – their quality takes a nosedive as all of their posts become filled with boring giveaways and posts like, “I promise I am sewing, but I can’t show you any of it” and “look at this project I made with all of one line from X company that doesn’t at all fit my style but I hope you won’t notice.” I prefer to read the blogs that are more “down to earth” than that. There are a lot of talented sewers out there who deserve more success and recognition but I would almost prefer that that doesn’t happen if it means the quality of their blog radically changes.
I can totally relate to using sewing as therapy for coping with motherhood. Explaining that emerging from the care of a newborn baby was like recovering from a long illness is so true!
TRUTH! Laurie speaks the TRUTH!! Yeah, a lot of the blogs you refer to are just BORING. Thanks for saying it. 😀
Say it sewing sister! Seriously, I am right there with you. I feel like the conversations we have in blogging/internet world give me great joy and I would not trade them for anything. I love that I feel like I have friends on the internet and when I blog I feel like I am chatting with my friends, but when I stress about posting twice a week or getting every project on the blog I think I am losing something. I have sort of stopped doing that too. I think I am happy being little or just being me (whatever that is).
You are my favorite Laura. I wish we were real life friends (and that sounds creepier than I intended, sorry, but I think you know what I mean).
I’m glad to know you with a capital Y. I’m not a mom but I too use sewing as a stress release. When I start adding deadlines and self-imposed rules like “post every other day/week etc” it turned my outlet into another source of stress. The great thing about reading other’s blogs is that they will still be there regardless of if you check in daily or lag behind for months.
I am never too busy to yak on about Art Gallery fabrics with anyone. PERIOD.
I so wanted to talk to you at the meeting about this post then completely ran out of time before I had to run home – love, love this post and the person/attitude behind it. It is so hard in the blogging world to keep yourself from running and running and running to jump into the next project because there is always something else out there that looks fun and fabulous and you just have to have new content to post about. Definitely intimidating and jealousy-inducing but if you have the right outlook about it, you can keep it from steam rolling all the fun out of what is supposed to be a “relaxing” hobby and an escape from real life. Sounds like you are about 15 steps ahead!! You are one of the sewing peeps that I will always love to read, whether it’s once a month or once a day.
Laura, I just found your blog and wanted you to know that I love it! In fact, I went back and read all your previous posts. Your pictures, quilts, and honesty about your life is so refreshing and has really inspired me to take a different look at my own place in life. Of course, I selfishly want you to post all the time, but even if they’re sporadic and far apart I will definitely keep reading! Thanks for everything you’ve shared so far and I look forward to more, whenever you have something to say!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m new to quilting and blogging and it seems overwhelming at times and like I am so behind. It is such a good reminder to do what makes you happy and not worry about perfection and what someone else is doing.
Laura,
Here I am trying to make a dent in blog reading – sometimes it is just too much work, and I come upon this entry. I am touched by everything you said, and join in with similar feelings. After the Blog Hop I was exhausted. I enjoyed connecting with everyone but the pressure to regularly post, read & comment was there. When it ended, and my teaching job restarted, I decided to limit my blog posts and reading. I sew and quilt because I love it. I started a blog to document and share my experiences. I will continue to do both at the pace that works for me. And the financial end of it – deadlines are not worth the money.
Seeing all the photos of your little one, I’d say you have more important things to do than spend your time on the computer. Spend time doing what you love. It’s great to be happy!
Thank you. I actually started my blog with grand plans, too. But plans change. I do use it as more than a personal quilting journal. Teaching and encouraging are part of me, so that’s hugely important to me, too. But I want to be the owner. I don’t want the blog to be the owner, to own me. My life, my family, my stuff, comes first.
And huge kudos to you for recognizing your own priorities and moving toward them. YOU know what is right, and how to do the best things for you and your life.
oh, laura – ditto! ditto, on so many points. i went through this same type of journey with scrapbooking back when i was in your shoes with just one, and was teaching classes at a local store and trying to get published. there wasn’t even blogging involved. i finally came round to the same conclusions you have.
when i started my sewing blog, i just wanted to connect with people. that took a long time to figure out, but i’m finally there. meeting everyone this summer through the blog hop and other links has been joyful. and a bit stressful, too. but i’ve loved it because small is personal. i’d only ever followed big blogs before and had never heard of getting a reply! that changed things a lot. i’m all about my little and medium-sized friends now. interaction is much better than admiration from afar for me. (i have to say rachel hauser has surprised me several times with replies, though. awesome.)
happy sewing & best wishes. keep sharing when you can because i love visiting you when i get the chance. =)
hugs!
I’m know I’m late on this, but I’ve gone through the same journey too. (As you can see, I’ve even stopped caring about commenting on so many blogs.) I still love reading them, and commenting on them, but just don’t do it as much.
I took a mini Bloglovin’ hiatis / sewing hiatis so forgive me for reading this post late. I can relate with you hugely on this entire post. While I would love in some ways to grow my blog and my quilty friendships and my blog reading/commenting – I have spent the last month just not loving the idea of sitting at my machine because of deadlines (self imposed for gift giving mind you but deadlines none the less). I don’t want to blog or quilt for that matter because I HAVE to. I haven’t touched my machine in weeks so when I start back up again it will be because I’m inspired and happy and sewing/blogging with be an outlet, not a task. It has been a pleasure getting to know you, I’m so glad we crossed paths on the blog hop. Take care!
Hi Laura. I came here from Molli Sparkles today. I have been looking through your posts and read all of this one. Thank you. You put into words what I have only felt inside. I was so wanting to be a capital B blogger at first too. I know now that is not who I am or ever will be. My blog is a bit more now than it was when I started, and that’s okay too, but mostly I have met so many wonderful people on the internet. And I love what I do. Your pictures are lovely. Thank you for being here, in this space.
I could not agree more! I started blogging in 2009. I was 23/24 I was a stay at home Mommy to One little girl then age two and my blog, while I wanted it to be about quilting, quickly became all about my family. I regretted that when I started getting emails that felt too personal for strangers to be writing. I started hopping around a few years later developing a blog and then dropping it. I deleted down a few blogs and flickr accounts and struggled all too well with these same issues. Fast forward a few towns, houses, moves, and rough experiences later and after finding an old fashioned sewing circle last year, I began to reclaim why I was making and what I loved about it. I think being young and isolated and reaching out online makes for a very different experience as a creator and artist. Great big hugs for sharing the reality of it all!
Hi! I know I’m very late to this party, but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate this post (and you’re whole blog), and this seemed like the appropriate place.
Laurie directed me here to look at your catvent totes – completely adorable, btw! And then I saw you’re part of Quilty Habits Sewing with Certainty line up. So if two recommendations in less than two weeks doesn’t qualify you as captial B Blogger, I’m not sure what does :D.
And then I realized I’ve met you in person too! Sometimes I think I’m all alone on the internet, and everyone else is “doing this better”. Then this happens and it makes me all warm and fuzzy (which is needed today!)
I just came across this post for the first time–I can soooo relate to just about every part. We moved just before my son was born, to a remote home in the mountains, without cell service. And we don’t own a tv. I was very alone, for a lot of hours every day. Oh and we only had one car until Arden was like 8 or 9 months old. Sewing entertained me in a way an infant couldn’t, and kept me sane and creatively engaged. And I love blogging, but I love the community more–they’re why I keep blogging really. But I get down on myself the same ways you mentioned–how can I be faster? Better? More creative? Go on retreats? Make money? Buy fancier fabric/machine/notions, etc. Here’s how: no kids. Which obviously won’t be happening, haha. So I just keep trying to take it one project, one moment of sewing, at a time and enjoy the process!